He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
