By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
worst night to have a conscience
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i've created a new STD.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
