I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
