sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
