Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize