i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
