sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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