After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
