Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
