She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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