I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
