He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I need moral support for this bender
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
