Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
