She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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