I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
