Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
