the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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