She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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