Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
