i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
