My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
