I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
