and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
