There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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