Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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