My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
