I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
