I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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