My entire life is one complicated drinking game
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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