We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
