We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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