theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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