u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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