if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
