I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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