Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just invented taco cereal.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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