you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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