I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
