Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
