Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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