Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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