i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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