SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize