its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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