So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
