jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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