My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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