the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
