So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My first STD was from a foam party
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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