1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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