she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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