I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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