I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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