feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
