Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We left the knife in your bed.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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