im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
