I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
