i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
