There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
