I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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