Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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