No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
