So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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