Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
