I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
